Can I Get A Verdict?

Today’s Poll (18)

The Crash Davis Of Pussy (92)

The following is a true story in as much that a story such as this can be true.  When recounting the episode to a friend, he told me that it’s quite possible the cat was just a manifestation of all of my anxieties and fears (kind of like when Luke squared off with Vader in [...]

2009 Academy Awards Live Blog (121)

Dallas TX - Good morning everyone. The biggest award in all of film, the Oscars, completes the award season Sunday night. I will try to be your host through the initial bullshit red carpet zzzzzzzzfest until the Best Picture winner is announced. 2008 was an interesting year in film, any year where a movie starring [...]

Apologies America: Part II (24)

Hello and welcome once again to the very worst of Britain’s exports. I know I apologized before, but there is a rather long list of people that the United Kingdom should feel guilty about. Time to name and shame more of those who represent everything embarrassing about our little island. Let’s start with an easy [...]

The List: Holidays (110)

Dallas, TX - Good morning everyone. Today’s version of the list concerns the genesis of celebrations we take as a given: holidays. Let me be the first to say that I’ll take a day off of work for any event/day you want to create. Idi Amin Day? Excellent. A toast to Idi! Hell, he was [...]

The Real Barack Obama (70)

The Mercenaries present: The Real Barack Obama
In recent memory, has there been a more eloquent speaker than our current President, Barack Obama? The man is a picture of patience, wit, poise, and professionalism. Opponents have yet to find an angle or jab that can rattle his cage while cameras are rolling. But, much like his [...]

Marriage Quantified (54)

You wake up slowly. Your wife is still out cold and she has her lips pressed out like one of those kissing gourami fish which is both kind of funny and kind of cute.
+5

You knock over a glass of water, that’s inexplicably on the floor. It’s your last bottle of Perrier, which she doesn’t like, [...]

Tales from the Murse: Day in the Life (73)

8:00 - Girlfriend’s alarm goes off. Fuck I’m hung over. Roll for head. Roll successful.
8:11 - Excelsior!
8:12 - Go back to sleep while girlfriend is in the shower.
10:30 - My alarm goes off. Fuck, still hungover. Reach for bong.
10: 33 - Stoned.
10:46 - Take a good shit. Shower. Check balls for abnormalities. Double check penis. [...]

A Room Full Of Perverts (67)

We’ve all done it but no one likes to talk about it. No, I’m not talking about that party in college where you had one too many and made out with that smelly guy/fat girl/lab monkey. I’m talking about watching porn in a room full of people.
What is this phenomenon?! I mean, porn is a [...]